What’s the title have to do with me being broke? Nothing really, except that I’ve got Ol’ Dirty Bastard stuck on my mind and I’m about to bitch about finances.
It turns out I’m not the only one stressed out over being a broke-ass student. Before I went to visit my friend last weekend I had $30 in my bank account and nine days until pay day. So I did what any self-sufficient thirty-two year old woman living in her parent’s basement would do: I snaked $12 in quarters from my dad’s ski fund. The TSA agent freaked out when she saw my backpack in the x-ray machine and asked me if I had a roll of quarters in my bag. Apparently, stealing borrowing quarters from your dad is a crime against aviation.
Since then, my financial aid arrived (FINALLY!). For the moment I have some cash, but I’m freaked out to spend it because I can very easily be back in the same broke-ass situation. There are a few things I need to do, but I’m torn about spending the money (other than repaying dad’s ski fund and purchasing an external hard drive). I’m debating whether or not to take a trip to the bay area next weekend for a friend’s wedding reception. The bride wants me to save my money and visit during Christmas break when I have more money (HA!) and time (so we can visit this place). Which I totally think I should do, except that my cousin and her new baby are going to be in town (because of me) and my dear friend Lulu just had her first baby and I don’t want to let either of them down.
The only solution I’ve been able to come up with, thus far, is to get my hands on some anthrax vaccine. I heard and ad on the radio offering $500 CASH MONEY to plasma donors who’ve been vaccinated for anthrax. Plasma proceeds would be wisely spent to visit my family and friends and maybe to purchase a hooker wardrobe for the next time I’m hurting for cash.
17 responses so far ↓
sizzle // September 18, 2008 at 12:11 pm |
It’s so sucky being broke. I just recently was able to afford to buy an airline ticket with my debit card without saving for 6 months to a year to afford it. And THAT’S because I work two jobs.
morton (danny) // September 18, 2008 at 1:06 pm |
I’m always broke, but it’s much worse when you have a family that you are responsible for….
“I’m sorry children, we just don’t have the money for such luxuries”
“Dad, food is not a luxury.”
“Yeah Dad, neither is toilet paper”
Sra // September 18, 2008 at 1:23 pm |
Ha ha ha, when I was in school, I also used to swipe coinage from the ‘rentals. My mom has this habit of leaving little dixie cups of change around her house, and I used to go over there and dump them in my pocket so I could buy some freaking bread, you know? Tough times. I’m glad TSA wasn’t around back then. Sure wish they’d go the fuck away.
-R- // September 18, 2008 at 1:46 pm |
I never knew what that second word of that song was. I always just sang along “Hey… da day… baby I got your money.”
Pants // September 18, 2008 at 2:50 pm |
Sizzle,
*bumps fists*
Morton,
That’s a lot of responsibility.
Sra,
I don’t do this purposely, but nearly every time I fly I put my lotions, lip gloss, etc. into a small ziplock bag ahead of time (like a good girl). The trouble is I always seem to forget to take it out of my bag and leave it on top when my shit goes through the x-ray machine…and it’s never been an issue. Then I’ll have them randomly harass me about a tube of chapstick and not realize until I’m at my gate that I got through with a full Nalgene bottle in a side pocket of my pack. SO EFFECTIVE!
-R-,
I love that song!
meggypoo // September 19, 2008 at 12:35 am |
I hear that a really good bludgeoning tool is a sock full of quarters. The airlines have good reason to flip their shit when they see you packing heat to the tune of $12. I hate being poor too, but then again, it got me out of paying an ass load of medical bills, so poverty has it’s upsides. I definitely think the hooker outfits are a good idea… a possibly excellent investment.
ubermilf // September 19, 2008 at 9:23 am |
Where’d YOU get $30? I wish I had $30.
Burreetoe // September 19, 2008 at 10:01 am |
OMG, I totally heard that commercial too! Argh matey!
apollocreed // September 19, 2008 at 10:04 am |
Right, and then you could title another post, “Fuck, fuck, fuck” and really mean it!
matty03 // September 19, 2008 at 12:38 pm |
I am currently unable to work, my disability application has yet to be sent and I’ve $4.
But, I am alive!
So are you — and you’re fucking gorgeous!
These things are all temp stops on the journey. At least, I hope so!
love and kisses from much sunshine!
matty
egan // September 20, 2008 at 12:47 am |
Times are tough aren’t they. Just go for the trip now. Carpe diem! I’m sure by the holidays you’ll be raking in the new dough.
The Grunt // September 20, 2008 at 1:05 am |
You can always sell your plasma. I can’t do that and I’ve still yet to find if the salmon are swimming upstream since the radiation treatments. There goes my easy money. Just tell the feds that you are an investment bank in need of a bailout.
lostinutah // September 20, 2008 at 6:28 pm |
Hell, sell your plasma, sign up for some experiment. That seems to go on a lot here, I guess because of the U being a research hospital? It’s odd to me, but it sounds like there’s plenty of money to be made.
Go have fun on your trip. You’ve earned it.
Red Flashlight // September 21, 2008 at 12:29 pm |
Hey, Pants. I totally love your blog. You know what first brought me here? Searching for pants. My husband says “never leave the house without pants.” So on a whim, I searched for pants. I found you. That FLDS birthday party looked oh . . so wild! So funny! So appropriately inappropriate for Utah! Was the angel Moroni there? Did he juggle his golden plates and glow with exquisite whiteness? If I lived in Utah I hope we could be friends. I would buy you coffee before school every day. Of course, since I’ve now verged into fantasy-land in this post, I would also have plenty of money to buy you coffee every day. But can’t a girl dream?
Aaron // September 21, 2008 at 6:11 pm |
My fin aid still hasn’t come. This is bull shit I tell ya. I’m broke as fuck hole too. I’ve been considering becoming a male prostitute.
crystal // September 22, 2008 at 12:33 pm |
you should be a pimp
stefanie // September 23, 2008 at 1:29 pm |
Sounds like a foolproof plan to me!