Pants, pants, PANTS!

My mother emailed me a link to this video and said that my niece and I can work on this one next year.

Now I’m all, “Whhhhhhhhaaat? I think my mum’s gone crazy.”

Here is a super charming flier I saw for a hip hop party at Albertson’s in St. George.

I didn’t even know they had hip hop in St. George! Stephanie and I totally would have gone, except for that whole nasty stomach flu. Boo! Snapped this picture when we ran to the store to grab me some Pedialyte. Yummers.

My family has been out of town for the last week. I was really looking forward to having the house to myself! It would almost be living on my own again!

What I wanted to do
• Walk around the house naked
• Not close my door when using battery operated devices
• Walk around the house noisily, at all hours of the night without regard to other people’s need to sleep
• Drink alcohol openly – like a real, live adult who doesn’t live with her religious parents
• Watch even more Law & Order than I normally do (difficult)
• Get myself back track, nutritionally speaking
• Clean my desk
• Organize photo album
• Mail photographs to friends
• Participate in Ubermilf’s Flash Fiction Friday

What I did do
• Walk around the house naked
• Did not close my door while using a battery operated device – only to discover my sister’s friend has stopped by to pick something up (using the garage code – whoops)
• Walked around the house noisily; freaked out the cat
• Drank a bottle of wine
• Kept vodka in the freezer that I didn’t even drink
• Came down with a horrible sinus infection – seriously, my neti pot wouldn’t even work (you’re welcome)
• Watched HELLA Law & Order, yo
• Ate a lot of chicken noodle soup
• Organized my photo album
• Mailed photographs
• Flaked on Ubie’s FFF because I like totally suck and stuff
• Grounded my cat for playing with the riff raff feral cats my next door neighbor feeds (we’ve got foxes in our neighborhood and he refuses to come inside at his curfew – scary)
• Diagnosed my cat as an Emotional Eater (he totally pigged out EVERY time I told him he couldn’t go outside)
• Ate a tomato from the garden
• Weeded and deadheaded the garden
• Took a lot of naps with my cat
• Bought yummy produce at the farmers market

I ended up feeling more lonesome than satisfied with my freedom. I surprised myself by missing my family! No worries, it took less than ten minutes for the irritation to return.

What have you been up to?

When I dropped Grandma off on Saturday night she promptly told her husband that I’m, “A good driver, but scary.”

In an attempt at damage, control I mentioned that she and her husband haven’t driven on freeways in YEARS and that Utah drivers have a fondness for the tailgating and generally driving like assholes. (You may remember me writing about how Utah drivers do not have a very Christian-like attitude on the road. Sometimes their antics make me yearn for L.A. during rush hour. SERIOUSLY.)

Grandpa’s response? “You know what it is? IT’S THE GANG BANGERS.”

First, you don’t know weird from until you’ve heard a 94 year old man say the words “gang bangers.” Second, there doesn’t seem to be a high gang banger population in suburban Utah.

Are we all destined to become worry wart old folks? My Grandma and Grandpa are totally addicted to fear-based news. They watch and they worry, then they worry some more, and OH YEAH(!) they worry!

Grandma and I passed a fire on our way to the birthday party and she made me call Grandpa because he was probably watching the news and would be worried. Good thing I called because he was watching the news and he was worried. When I lived in Oakland they both totally FREAKED OUT. Every time I came to visit he would pop off with the Oakland murder toll and recount all the violence he’d seen on the news related to Oakland and his favorite topic: gang bangers.

I never saw ANYTHING shady while living in Oakland. I lived in a very charming neighborhood! I could walk to pretty much any type of restaurant, bar, grocery store, two movie theaters, all sorts of retail stores, and public transportation. Oakland’s got a bad rap, yo! My car was never broken into, I never had any shady peeping tom incidents or problems with creepy neighbors; though I had all of those problems when I lived in Whitey Mc Whitey Suburbia.

Sometimes, after hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa, I worry that it’s impossible to grow old without becoming a totally freaked out, worry wart, senior citizen. Then I remember my other Grandma who could care less about any of those things, though she’s not really the most sensitive. Hopefully I’ll master a sensible mix of both.

I really enjoyed participating in yesterday’s Blog Share. Writing my own anonymous post was a lot of fun…as was reading all of the contributions! I think that -R- deserves at least a gajillion gold stars for organizing everything. Folks, I can’t even organize my clean laundry! I can’t imagine setting up thirty-something bloggers to anonymously post on each other’s blogs…especially because she is also pregnant. She is obviously Super Woman.

Blog Share got me thinking about Flash Fiction Friday. I participated in FFF when I first started blogging; it was a great way to get back into writing. The only rule was to use the assigned words to begin your short story.  I loved to see how differently all the stories were. Plus, it was a good way to find new blogs. I miss JJ, the organizer; wish he hadn’t dropped out of blog world.

If you’re interested in checking out some of my previous Flash Fiction Friday short stories, you can find them here:

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but in reflection not having any…

I put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door, shut it, locked it, and turned around to find…

The day was hot, but there was ice…

My heart broke…

This guest post is brought to you by an anonymous participant in -R-’s Blog Share. Please see the post below this to read the other anonymous Blog Share posts! xoxo

My Unquiet Mind

I’ve struggled with what to write for this BlogShare. There are so many things rattling around in my brain right now that I’ve had difficulty settling on one topic. Then, I realized I should just write about the fact I have so much rattling around in my brain.

Several years back I was diagnosed with Bipolar I. This mental disease is caused by many factors – family history, trauma (known or unknown), an imbalance in brain chemicals, and also a lot of unknown reasons. It cannot be diagnosed by any sort of test. Instead it is diagnosed based on the occurrence of several behaviors for extended periods of time.

I manage quite well. I go to support group meetings and am one of few who can manage a full-time job. Not only do I have a full-time job, but it is a full-time professional. I am pleased with my accomplishments and am thankful I manage my disease so well (and have such a great support system), but that doesn’t mean things are ever perfect – or close to perfect.

I struggle with my disorder everyday. Having bipolar is a daily battle - even on the right dosages of medication and with the right medical team and support system. My mood swings aren’t typically bad – small highs and small lows. My last hospitalization was over two years ago. But, lately I’ve been going a little batty in my brain – or at least feeling that way.

I think it may be the onset of the coming season and building anxiety about all the major events I have to plan and host. There comes a time when the work and the deadlines pile drastically on top of each other and my work (including weekends) doesn’t seem to slow down for several months. I acknowledge I may be on the verge of hypomania and if hypomania is not treated properly it can lead to full blown mania – which is where things can (but not necessarily) get REALLY bad.

So, my mind is racing – going from one fleeting thought to another, not able to finish one task before leaping to the next, not able to maintain focus in conversations or stay on track with one topic of discussion. I hope it slows down soon. Fortunately, I do take medication to help calm the thoughts at night and I am able to get a full and rested night of sleep. Unfortunately, I am currently being drawn to sleep for hours on end – it’s not a desire to escape, it’s just a desire to sleep because it feels so good to sleep. So, am I in a mixed state (both mania and depression at the same time)? I don’t think so. I think maybe sleeping is the way I am able to get my mind to escape from the racing thoughts and endless energy. Maybe I think if I sleep enough the mania will go away. If I’m asleep I can’t be manic, right? Sleeping is typically a sign of depression. Not that I want to be depressed – I just want to be stable. Part of mania is not slowing down, being too productive, doing to much. If I’m sleeping I can’t do that.

I don’t know if this post makes sense or if I am jumping around too much, but either way, I hope this gives you a little insight into mental illness – insight you perhaps haven’t had before.

Here is the complete list of Blog Share participants; I cannot wait to read my way through it!

Vent Vox
Turn On The Stars
Trudie - Life After AC
Swimming With Sharks
Stefanie Says
Shhh! Librarian-In-Training
Sauntering Soul
Sass Attack
Reflections in the Snow Covered Hills
Red Red Whine
Our Simplicity
One New Duck
Oh My Seven
The Occasional Truth
No Lady
Nancy Pearl Wannabe
Muse On Vacation
Messing With Texas
Melliferous Pants
Lizland
Live Work Dream
Just Below 63
Jonniker
Java Literally
Heidikins
Full of Snark
Face Down
Ex Everything
Everything I Like Causes Cancer
Did I Say That Outloud?
The Daily Tannenbaum
The Coconut Diaries
Citystreams
Catheroominations
Bright Yellow World
Breath Smiles Tears
And You Know What Else
Alyndabear
3 Carnations

Here is a picture of my grandma signing her uncle’s 90th birthday card. My mother made the card, with grandma’s wedding photo. I love this. She jerked her hand back when I took the photo, saying, “Oh! My hand was ruining the photo!” Quite the opposite, grandma.

This is my favorite thrift store purchase. I know it’s adorable. Don’t be so jealous.

Welcome to what my lungs will soon not look like! I exhaled my last cigarette into a tissue, something I read about on a smoking cessation website. Jack Jack was horrified by what I’d been doing to my lungs, but he still did his best feline mannequin pose with the nasty tissue.

Tomorrow I’m participating in Blog Share: a group of bloggers anonymously posting on each other’s blogs. Another blogger’s anonymous post will be here and mine will appear on another participant’s blog. I’m very excited! I discovered Blog Share during the last share (a few months back) and loved reading everyone’s secrets. It’s sort of like Post Secret on crack; I am looking forward to participating. Weee!

Awesome Ing wrote a post about dating. You should go read it HERE.

Ing’s perspective is very familiar. I’ve have had relationships here and there. Some long, some shorter. I understand the pressure of friends and loved ones wanting me to be with someone. I can particularly relate to what she wrote about her mother. My mother also believes that not finding someone to marry and have babies with is so horrible it’s just shy of a terminal disease. She tries not to pressure me, but I can still feel it. It’s not done maliciously; she just wants me to be happy. But it’s still a lot pressure for a girl.

I would love to meet someone to share my life with; I have wondered if that will really happen for me. This is not a pity party; it’s my life. I am not under the delusion of waiting for The One because I don’t believe in The One. It is bullshit to think there is only one person for everyone. I happen to think there are many options out there for all of us. I think it’s more likely a matter of finding someone whose baggage is the right weight, so you can help each other shoulder the bullshit of life.

When I read this I almost fell out of my chair.

“…sometimes I wonder if men and women are suited for each other at all.”

Crossing my fingers that I’ll find one of my many possibilities…hoping the most valued relationship in my life is eventually not my cat; though he’s damn fucking cute.

My Saturday was nearly perfect! I started it off by breaking my SLC Farmers Market cherry with Aimee. Then we had lunch and a visit to my new favorite store, Elemente! Aim found the most incredible chairs for her kitchen!

How adorable is this platter?

Pantry chair. Love it!

Totally freaking cute purse.

After our downtown adventures, I headed over to pick up my grandma. She’s 88, no longer drives and desperately wanted to attend her uncle’s 90th birthday celebration, one hour north. That wasn’t a typo, grandma is 88 and her uncle is 90. Welcome to Mormonism!

The drive went smoothly and Grandma only jerked her leg up and slammed it down on her imaginary brake twenty, or so, times during our one hour drive. She told me, “You’re a good driver, but scary.” Which she continued to tell everyone we met: birthday boy, table of elderly men we sat with at the party, woman who directed us to the restroom, people waiting to be seated at the “Mexican Restaurant” (parentheses are used correctly, Utah’s version of Mexican food is NOT real) and to her husband when I dropped her off.

My favorite moment was when Grandma was looking for a tissue. I asked her if she needed one and she replied, “No thanks. I have a secret hiding spot in my bazooms. It looks a little naughty when I reach for them, but it works.”

It was great to have Grandma to myself for a couple of hours. Her husband is 94 and doesn’t like to leave the house. He does have some health issues, but nothing too outrageous for 94. Grandma doesn’t like to be without him, so she doesn’t get out as much as she’d like to. I think I’m going to have to start planning regular dates with Grandma.

Ended my night with a cocktail, watering the garden. I’m sure Grandma would be thrilled to know the cash she gave me went directly to the State Liquor Store.

1. My first boyfriend has five kids. F-I-V-E, FIVE!
2. Rlo told me I should watch How Stella Got Her Groove Back this weekend. I’m not sure what I find funnier: Rlo’s suggestion or that he has actually seen it.
3. That depends on whether or not Jack Jack is willing to forfeit Saturday night made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
4. Watching Benny Boy almost get in a fight with some random guy (who tried to cut in the beer line - no cuts, no butts, no coconuts!) after we waited for thirty minutes was surreal.
5. Though not as surreal as seeing Rlo chest bump him afterward.
6. I may have made that up. I was suffering from severe lack of beer, yo.
7. I’m in love with free printable stationary. HELLO CUTENESS!
8. Stephanie is right. Saying, “I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now” is just another way to say “I don’t want to be with YOU.” Harsh? Maybe. True? Yes. Did I need it? Yuppers.
9. Steph promptly followed up with, “Anyone who doesn’t want to be with you is fucking retarded!”
10. Duh.
11. This week has been one giant déjà vu.
12. I have a date with my grandma this weekend.
13. Replacing smoking with sunflower seeds makes for a belly ache.
14. I suppose a tummy ache is worth not dying from emphysema.
15. I have fallen in love with Good News For People Who Love Bad News (again).
16. The end.